Posted in life

Happiness is Partly Attitude

Have you ever heard the saying, when life hands you lemons, make lemonade.  In part that is true.  There is so much about life that we cannot control. No matter how hard I wish, I cannot change my age, my height, the place I was born, or my genetic code.

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From time to time life will hand us some pretty sour lemons.  When it does, that is our time to seek the courage to make a glass of lemonade.

 

Sometimes even in areas where we think that we should have control, such as going to school and choosing a career.  With our plans all laid out, our eye on the port of choice, we set sail.  Certain that we will reach our dreams it never crosses our mind that other factors such as lack of money, family issues, and health can steal our plate of  velvet cake and leave us holding a basket of sour lemons.

It is at that moments such as these, when life hands us our greatest disappointments, that our true character and ability to maintain happiness shines. It is at this crucial moment that we have a decision to make that will impact the course of our live. We can chose to take the easy road and let the wave of disappointment swallow us up and give into the urge to slip comfortably into the satisfying robe of self-pity  and burry our head under the covers. Or we can decide to take our basket and make lemonade.  To get out of bed and do something that will put a smile on our face and take the first step towards choosing happiness.

 

 

Posted in Anemia, life

Life is Calling and I am Stuck on the Sofa

From my spot on the sofa I can watch the first dry summer breeze as it ripples through the leaves of the oaks in my backyard.  A small family of red coated cardinals is playing tag in my neighbors yard while lazy marshmallow clouds decorate the crisp blue sky.  In the distance I can hear the sounds of kids splashing in a pool while their watching parents talk with friends from the comfort of their shady porch.

It is summer and life is calling. Calling me to get up fertilize  and weed my little backyard garden, to admire the saucer size peach and red hibiscus flowers, or to pick a pepper the size of my hand.  Life is calling my name begging me to cut and sew a cool summer blouse, to reorganize my closet, to spend an hour at the gym, to try a recipe for blueberry pie, or curl up in a corner with my favorite book.

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Posted in Uncategorized

Regrets

One of the hardest parts of living with a chronic illness is the long list of life’s missed opportunities and adventures. Regrets over the long list of things you dreamed of doing but knew that you would never be able to do because your health would never allow it.  And the frustration over the list of things you tried to do but had to give up because an ill-timed flair of pain left you bed ridden.

More times than I can count or want to remember I tried to reach my goal of becoming a doctor and failed. Several times under the influence of a brief pain free period I registered for class, only to have to drop days before the semester started because the intense aching of my bones had left me bedridden.  Even when I managed to make it past the first hurdle and survive the add drop period, major infections, life-threatening allergy attacks, and overwhelming pain forced me to withdraw from one or all of my classes before the term was over.

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No matter how hard I tried, my list of regrets has grown.

 

Despite moving with the speed of a hibernating sloth, I continued on.  Saving every ounce of my feeble supply of energy for my determined fight to reach my goal. Twelve years of faithful fighting and at last I had earned my A.A degree. But like a stubborn frog hitting his head against a brick wall, I still refused to give in. I still did not want to admit to myself that my dreams of becoming a doctor would never be reached. Time after time I waited for the wave of misery to pass so I could try again. Confident that I this time I would not make the same mistake that left had left me curled up in a useless ball of living pain.  Promising myself that this time the outcome would be different and that at last I would realize my dreams. Trying to convince myself that if only I pushed a little harder, worked a little smarter I would make it. But each time my hopes and dreams for life had to be sidelined, postponed, and eventually abandoned as the list of missed goals, postponed hopes, and forgotten dreams grew longer and longer.

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