Posted in Faith, life, Thoughts, Uncategorized

An Unfulfilled Dream

It was so exciting, our dream of moving to the country seemed like it was going to come true. My parents had brought three beautiful acres in the country, and it would not be long before we left the city life for the peace and quiet of the country. My father was so excited that he every time we visited the he would pull down a few of the thin trees that would easily give way.

He even went to the store and purchased a chain saw so he could cut down and clear the land.

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Posted in life, Thoughts, Uncategorized

A Tough Milestone

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For the past few weeks, I have repeatedly sat down and tried to make a post. But even though my head is full of ideas, as soon as I sit down in front of my computer, the words seem to evaporate, and I quickly find myself mindlessly scrolling through articles I have no intention of reading, doing my best to avoid the painful memories of my first year without my head cheerleader, sounding board, and father.

He was the first one that I went to after hearing about self-publishing and when I decided that I would like to start my own You Tube Channel. When I was ready to start running Amazon Ads, he was the one who helped me with the funds. Whenever it came to major purchases or decisions on what step I should take next, it was his patient ear that I turned to. Without him I felt like a ship without a rudder struggling to weather the storm.

Over and over I felt the pang of loss as I faced a tough decision and turned to look for advice only to be greeted by his empty chair. When a bit of good news such as having 5 books sell in one day or like today when my Poetry Channel finally reached the 200-subscriber mark brought a smile to my face, how fast it faded as I realized that he was not going to be there to share in my simple joy.

Life had already brought enough lonely tears as I watched the mile markers of life pass me by. Locked away by endless days of pain and seemingly forgotten by the world at least I could count on the support of my family. And now that one support, that one precious gift that I had been blessed with, was being taken from me. Love, career, success, friendship, the satisfaction of earning my daily bread, the joy of having my own home, children, independence, and all the pleasures of adulthood had been denied me. Like a time capsule buried in the sand I had watched the years go by, yet my life had remained unchanged. I ate, I dressed, did what I could to maintain my sliver of health, put on a cheerful face, and waited for my chance to become a part of life as I had since childhood. Only now there was one less voice to celebrate the few successes and encourage me when life rained down its many disappointments.

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Posted in life, Thoughts, Uncategorized

Bread Maker A Definite Winner in My House

My father was the baker of the family. Every few months he would make a half dozen loaves of bread and a batch of pizza dough. After I learned that some of my symptoms was the result of food allergies, this special treat became a lifeline as buying bread from the store was nearly impossible. After his unexpected death almost a year ago, I cherished that last loaf, not only because it was a symbol of his love, but with my chronic health issues, making bread by hand was not an option. Therefore there was a definite possibility that this precious loaf might be the last time I was able to have bread.

Years ago we had a bread maker. And once in a while I would use it to make a loaf of bread. But shortly after moving to our new house my mother, wanting to do a big favor, made a loaf of bread. The problem was that she did not realize that this particular model had a tendency to shake rattle and move. And move it did, right off the counter onto the floor which was of course the end of our bread maker.

For years we looked for a new one, but without any success. Then one day a few weeks ago, my mother and sister went shoe shopping during tax free week and was surprised to find a break maker on sale. Fortunately, instead of walking away they called to ask me what I thought, and of course I told them get it.

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Posted in Faith, Poems Begining with H, Poetry, Thoughts

He is Coming

Some days, when the pain is mild and my energy is surprisingly high, it is easy to get out of bed and face the changes of an increasingly strange and hectic world. But some days, when sorrow and pain blend together, when trial and heartache haunt my door, it is tempting to curl up in a ball of agony and let the stress of this world gain control.

But on those days there is one hope, one blessed beacon of promise that keeps me afloat, and that is the promise that He is coming. That in spite of today’s spiking heartaches and fears, there is a reason to get out of bed and smile. That even though my dreams may lay in crumbled heaps around me, even though chronic sickness has robbed me of many a joy, I still have a reason to lift up my head and sing songs of praise.

Because today with all of its trials and hardships is not the end. This world full of crime, hate, sickness, and death is not the fruition of my hopes. Like Abraham, Issac, and Jacob I am just a pilgrim in search of a better land. But unlike them, my story is not set at the beginning, but at the end. Instead of thousands of more years, this world is lucky to have a dozen years. And by the way things are changing, and it seems like we are descending into madness, often wonder if we will even see the next decade.

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Posted in life, Thoughts

Wish List: My Perfect Comfy Office Chair

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It is nearing midnight, and I am desperate for sleep. But my little dog Happy who was diagnosed with diabetes a few months ago, was struggling to fall asleep. So like a restless wave he was marching back and forth. We tried taking him outside, adjusting his bed, giving him water, but nothing worked. The only hope was for me to crawl out of bed, turn my computer on, and play some soothing hymns to help him relax and fall asleep.

Unfortunately that not only means that I have to give up my sleep, but I have to spend an hour or two stuck in an uncomfortable garden chair. I used to have an office chair, but after ten plus years of service it had reached the point that its cover was peeling all over the floor (which was not good because if Happy is feeling hungry he will lick the floor in hopes of finding a tasty treat), and it had worn in such a way that it would kick me out of the chair. Finally, since it had reached the point that the outdoor chair was actually more comfortable than it, that it had seen better days.

So now, instead of being able to lean back and relax while the music plays, I have to struggle to find a semi comfortable spot and struggle to do something while I wait for Happy to relax enough so I can crawl into bed.

As I sit here, I find myself wishing for the perfect comfy chair. But what makes the perfect comfy chair. Getting another office chair is the cheaper solution, only it is not very comfortable for a day that I have to spend a couple of hours sitting at my desktop to accomplish a must do task that can only be done at my desktop next to the printer and important files.

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