Tag: reflection

Posted in brain games, life, spot the odd, Thoughts, Videos

Spot the Odd Stuffed Animals in the Garden

Posted on by katherinebrianneparilli

I really enjoyed making this video, except for one thing, it made me miss our house with our little garden and handful of fruit trees. When rising cost made it impossible for my mother, sister, and I to afford our home after my father passed away, we hoped that it would only be a few months or at wort a year and a half before we found a new place to live. Sadly, last month was the 2 year mark there is no end in sight.

Finding a permeant home where we can have a little garden, fruit trees, grape vines, and some chickens now feels like an impossible dream. Sometimes at night, when I am struggling to find a comfortable corner on the rock-hard sofa, I find myself asking God why? Why, when I have tried so hard, when I have used every ounce of my feeble power to do what little I can to earn my own bread, has success been withheld from me. Why, when there were many in my class who were blessed with health, yet who did half the work I did, were blessed with nearly everything that they desired, while I pushed until my muscles failed me and I could not rise from bed, yet not one dream has been granted me.

It was hard enough when my father was alive. And we had his strong arm to lean upon. But now, when we have been deprived of his aid and comfort, and the only reason that we are not on the street is due to the kindness of my uncle, it has become a tearing thorn in the side.

It would be one thing if due to my poor health I had folded up my hands and rested upon my painful laurels and turned my back upon any and every effort of life. Comforting myself with the thought that because I was sick and weak, I need not try but satisfy my soul with watching the flickering screen.

But that is not what I did. Despite the pain, the fatigue, and allergies that caused me to go all day without food I pushed myself to go to school. Sometimes the pain got so bad that I had to drop a class, sometimes I got so weak that I had to be wheeled from class to class, and sadly there were times that I could not even climb out of bed and had to skip a semester. But in spite of the struggle, I pushed myself until I could push no more. But not before I received my hard-won AA degree. Satisfying, but hardly a door opener for a job that my pain ridden body could handle.

When I could no longer go to school I started on KDP and Etsy. And even though I have given it my 110 percent, it has gone nowhere. Yes, I have managed to sell a few books, activity packs, and even some t-shirts and stickers. But even though I have made some sells, most months I do not sell enough to buy a pizza, never mind a house with a garden.

It has been like a knife in the heart, twisting and tearing as I think about how much my parents gave up trying to get me on my feet. Willingly spending thousands of dollars on medicine and doctors hoping to find out what was wrong so I could have a life. Paying for much of my school because I could not qualify for aid because being sick did not qualify for getting aid like being an unwed mother.

And now, when I should be a source of relief and comfort to my mother. Repaying her years of sacrifice with a secure roof and warm bed, I can do nothing. Sadly, while I enjoyed making this video, it reminded me that despite in spite of spending years using every ounce of strength I had to strive to stand upon my own two feet so that I might at last earn my own bread, I have gotten nowhere. I am still 100 percent dependent upon the kindness of others to keep me off the street.

Sometimes in the quiet of the night, when no one is around, I ask the Lord why. Why is that nothing I try works? Why can I not be the source of comfort that I long to be for my hard-working mother by giving her the secure shelter that she needs and deserves.

While I do not have the full answer for why almost all of my hopes and dreams have failed, why all the dearest hopes and dreams of life have been allowed to pass me by, one thing has become clearer and clearer. And that is that God is preparing us for something. Whether it is to stand for Him in the final moments of this earth’s history, I do not know. But every trial, every heart ache, has been a tool to pull out this weed or to soften this hard edge. Little by little He is teaching us patience, softening our tempers, and showing us that no matter what, he has not left us to fight alone.

Posted in Finding a Drream, Fun Puzzles, life, Thoughts, Uncategorized

Update on New You Tube Channel: Fighting Self-Pity: Spot the Difference Teddy Bear Romance Edition

Posted on by katherinebrianneparilli

It has now been 3 months since I started my You Tube game channel with the hopes of building an audience that would not only allow me to become monetized on You Tube but might also cross over and purchase some items from my Etsy shop. I wish I could say that at the 3 month mark I have thousands of followers and hundreds of thousands of views. Having come across a course about creating a You Tube brain game channel where the person gained 1,600 subscribers and 200,000 views in only a month, I would love to be able to say that I at least got the 500 subs and 3000 watch hours required to start monetizing my channel.

Sadly, I am still a far away from that goal. But amazingly, in spite of having a severe flare up of my autoimmune that I am still recovering from and that put at least a 3 week pause on my iron infusions, I somehow managed to get 120 subscribers. This might not be a big deal for a healthy person, but when I consider that my poetry channel which I have had for a good 8 years only has 270 subscribers, getting 120 subs in 3 months suddenly feels like a really big deal. So finally, in spite of enduring a major setback, I actually managed to take a small step forward.

Hopefully, by the grace of God who has blessed me with a much-needed extra large portion of determination, I will reach not only the first level of monetization, but push through and not only get fully monetized, but maybe even earn a You Tube plaque.

Today my dream of making my You Tube channel and Etsy shop a success seems impossible, but for the longest time the idea of getting 120 subs in 3 months seemed like an impossible dream too. At least now I have a little bit of hope that if I keep trying, I might be able to make something of my dream finally come true.

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Posted in brain games, Find the Difference, Fun Puzzles, life, spot the odd, Thoughts

Spot The Odd Bird Challenge Your Brain🦢🐔🐦 Find the Difference Quiz: Can You Find Them?

Posted on by katherinebrianneparilli

It has been well over a year since I have actively posted something to this blog, because of the uncertainty created by having to sell our home thanks to the sky rocketing cost of living. I figured that it would be a while before I would have a chance to post again, so I set up about six months of articles that would automatically post. Hoping that by that time we would have found a stable place to live. Was I ever wrong.

In less than a year we moved 7 different times, going from one AirBNB to another. Until thankfully, my Uncle recognized that we were in danger of ending up on the street and invited us into his home. And true to the saying, no act of kindness goes unpunished, one health disaster after another has resulted in my mother and I being unable to drive for the last 8 months. Instead of enjoying leisurely days, he has had to ferry us from one doctor appointment to another, take us to pick up meds, and even drive us to the grocery store.

It is sad but true that stress is the word of the day and has been for the past few years. And it certainly has not been reduced by looking at the price of housing. Ouch! It is hard to believe that a moldy, hole ridden, major fixer upper, now cost as much as a two story, 5-6 bedroom, 4 bath home, with pool did only a few months after we moved into the house we had to sell in 2008, never mind what it would have been able to get when I was a kid.

Needless to say, I needed something to get my mind off of the intense stress of wondering if we would ever be able to have our own home again, and what will happen next if my health keeps slipping. 24 iron infusions in a year triggering major fibromyalgia flare ups hardly establishes confidences in one’s future. We are definitely giving our trust muscles a major workout as we do our best to cast our burdens on Jesus.

I knew that I needed some type of down time as we try to regroup and figure out what is going on and what we should do next. Yet I also wanted a way to advertise my books on Amazon and activity packs on Etsy. Thankfully the Lord opened a door to an inexpensive course about creating quiz videos for You Tube. I was already making Bible games, but it had never occurred to me to try and make quiz videos using some of the games in my activity packs.

I do not know if my little quiz channel will take off. Nothing I do seems to work. I certainly give it my hundred percent, but sometimes I think that my hundred percent is equal to -1000. It really is frustrating, but as long as I have reason to believe this is the path I am supposed to be walking in right now, by the grace of God I will plug along like a determined turtle trusting that one day He will help me to win the race.

It might never take off and grant me the hundreds of sales that I need or even reach the mark for getting monetized (although I wish it would and that is my goal), but at least it has been fun to make. And maybe if I am lucky, it will at least bring me an extra sell or two. I hope that you enjoy this video. It was the very first one that I released for my new quiz channel.

Posted in Bible Puzzles, Faith, Find the Difference, Fun Puzzles, life, Thoughts

Sabbath Afternoon Fun: Find 3 Difference Romans 5:6-8

Posted on by katherinebrianneparilli

I hope that you are having a Sabbath afternoon. And that you are enjoying this chance to learn better how to keep your heart rested in the promises of God. I know how hard this lesson is to learn, but before the last great battle we must learn this lesson fully if we hope to stand. Yet learning this much needed lesson is painful.

Currently God is teaching our family this lesson. Between the death of my father and the change in the economy our house became too expensive for our tiny budget to support so we had to sell the house. In the months leading up to our home going up for sell the market was full of good homes at a price we could handle. But within days of our house going on the market most of the homes were gone. But every so often a seemingly good home would appear. But as soon as our house sold and we could finally put in a bid, the competition became so fierce that there were times I found a potential home in the morning and before I could show my mother and sister a few hours later, it was sold.

Over and over we would call about a home to find out it was already pending, or after a few days of discussion and prayer we would decide that it was time to call the realtor to see the home, and it was gone. The first few times we were not worried, but after days turned into weeks, and the time to move drew dangerously near, we began to worry. Finally we decided that we would have to put our house hunting on hold and find a place to rent. But to our dismay we found out that even though we will have the money to rent a home for a year while looking for a new house, because our income is too low, we cannot find a home to rent.

Now we are only days away from having to leave our home, and we still have no place to move too and no idea where we are going to put our belongings or how we will move them since none of us have the health or strength needed to move hundred of boxes or heavy furniture. It is a very unnerving position to be in. One that I would not wish upon another. Living on the street is hard for someone in good health, but for a diabetic dog who requires refrigerated insulin and three sickly women, it is a potential death sentence.

I wish that we could say that we have reached this point without questioning or murmuring. Our trust in God so complete that like Peter we can fall into a sleep so deep that even the glory of an angel in our room cannot wake us. But that would be a commandment breaking stretch. At times our blood pressure has reached dangerous levels, our nerves have gotten so taunt that we had to apologize for our tense and irritated words, and at moments the fear has become so strong that we could not help but with tears wonder if God had abandoned us.

Yet at the same time, after gathering in prayer to ask for God’s strength and help, peace filled our hearts. While we were worried, our trust in God outweighed that fear to the point that smiles replaced tears as our minds were pointed to all the ways that God had helped us in the past. Promises from God’s word were recalled to our minds and as our trembling hands reached out to grasp them, He made us stronger.

At this moment we cannot fully say where God is leading us or why He has chosen to take us down this frightful path, we have no clue if we will have another roof to go to when we leave this home or if the car will become our new home, but we can say that God has been faithful to His word and is holding our hand. Here and there doing little things to prove that He taking care of us and to help strengthen our trust in Him.

It is my hope that for whatever future test God is preparing us for, we will prove faithful. That in some way this test of our faith, of painful muscle building, will not only draw us closer, but will in some way become such a testimony to others that it will help others to find the courage to stand firm and bring others to the Lord.

As you enjoy today’s find the difference verse about God’s love for sinful man, it is my prayer that God will help you to hide this verse in your heart. So when your test of faith comes, you will have the words of love and hope that you will need to help encourage your faith and to be a light to your feet keeping them from falling off the narrow path that leads to light.

Posted in life, Poems Beginning with W, Poetry, Thoughts

Discouragement

Posted on by katherinebrianneparilli

Some days are definitely harder than others, and today has definitely been one of those days. Today has been a frustrating day full of interruptions and delay. Task that should have taken 5 minutes were turned into an hour plus exercise in misery as every time I started someone would come and ask a question or needed me to hear something important. On top of that, it seemed that every program was eager to reveal their peculiar quirks, crash, or somehow erase portions of the work I had struggle to complete.

Irritating and pain inducing struggle that it was, I had brushed most of it off as the unwanted misery of one of those trying days when it everything goes wrong and you wish that you could just stay in bed until today turns into tomorrow. Tired and worn, I have learned to take a deep breath and remind myself that this too shall pass, and take an extra long break to recuperate.

All would have passed with only minor notice, if it had not been for an unexpected disappointment. For weeks I have planned to get a brand new math sheet creating program that was scheduled to come out tomorrow. For days I have watched every video that I could, and planned what I would do when I got it.

That was until tonight, when less than 14 hours before its release, the breaks were slammed shut because my mother feels the price is to high. Suddenly, without any warning, hours of waiting and planning went up in a puff of smoke.. In that second my heart sunk and discouragement took hold.

It reminded me how much has changed since my father died. If he was alive the price of the program would not have been an issue. As my eager cheerleader he would have helped me pour over the different bonus packages to help me chose the right one.

It is not that money was not an issue while he was alive. As long as I can remember money has always been tight. As much as my father would have loved to give me a blank check and let me get whatever I wanted, he had to settle for long talks to help us pick and chose which items were the most important and which we might desire but must pass on for now.

But things were just better enough, that there would have been no question about whether or not we were going to get this program. After a few minutes of seeing what this program could do, the question would have been settled, it might mean waiting on other things for my little business for a few months, but he would have said it was a deal too good to pass up.

Even then, some of the heartache of missing my father and the way things were before he died might have been avoided, if it were not for the fact that all of this is a stark reminder of how my life and business have stood still. ears of fighting to go to school, years of struggling to make books, and I am still in the same place as day one. A lifetime of struggling and doing without, giving up holidays and summer vacation to study, staying up till midnight to do homework, getting up at 4am to get ready for school, some semesters enduring 12 hours without food because I could not afford to go to taco bell and get a burrito, at times having to go to class in a wheelchair, pushing myself to the point that tears were running down my checks with each step because I was ignoring the symptoms of a massive infection, enduring long hours in class with an undiagnosed and untreated migraine, for what?

Even now, after school my dream of going to school and becoming a doctor, then settling to try and become a nurse practitioner, and for now even getting a bachelor degree has been demolished, I have pushed myself to the point that every bone in body hurt. Where my nerves were so raw that it felt like someone was scratching their nails down a chalkboard or putting bare wire in water, and even worse, triggering hours of intense nausea that kept me from eating or functioning until it passed.

Why, in hopes that this puzzle book, that poetry video, blog, notebook, or activity pack would be the one to take off and earn more than a buck or two here and there. That at last, my dedication and perseverance, my willingness to work until my body said no more, would at last be rewarded. And success, even a little droplet of success, would finally come my way. And finally the pain of having to spend a lifetime on the sidelines watching my family, my neighbors, my classmates, and you tubers get their dream job, graduate from school, some become doctors, get engaged, married, have kids, buy their dream home, and live the life that will never be mine, wash away.

In that one crushing moment I felt that bitter weight of failure. That agony of knowing that no matter what I do, no matter how hard I struggle, I will never know the thrill of success or the joy of being a part of life. For good or for bad, for some reason all of my best efforts have ended up in a sea of tears that could not be kept in a hundred bottles for their multitude.

It has taken a lot of effort, but most days I am able to bury the pain of missing out on life’s dearest mile markers. It is not easy, but most of the time I can put on a brave enough face to convince those who long to be convinced that I am content not to marry and have kids, that I am satisfied to be forgotten as I sit on the sideline and watch the world go by.

Thankfully, the effort to make my books and humble little videos, keeps just the tiniest enough sliver of hope alive, that most days I can ignore the deep ache in my heart. Over and over I tell myself today will be the day, and if not, surely tomorrow will be the one. Perhaps this book will the book that will change the course of my life and allow me to enjoy the pleasure of earning my own living.

But tonight, when yet another hope crumbled into a billion particles of dust, I had to admit defeat. In spite of all my pushing myself to the point of being bedridden, the multitude of missed meals and hours of sleep, and countless other little and major sacrifices so that I might finally hold up my head instead of always having to hold out my hand, I have gotten nowhere. In a cruel twist of fate, the classrooms full of students who barely made an effort, have enjoyed the thrill of victory, have known the joys and frustrations of work, love, and family, while I, the one who gave every ounce of her feeble strength, have only tasted failure and disappointment. And all my hard work and dedication has only netted my aches, pains, infections, migraines, emergency room visits, loneliness, tears, broken dreams, and more.

Will I rise or will I fall? Will the day ever come when my hard work will translate into something greater than an empty dream, unfilled longings, and a quietly broken heart? Will I ever know the joy of finding true love, of earning my own wage, or at least being able to earn enough that every once and a while I can have the pride of being able to say, it may seem expensive to you, but its my money and I think its worth it? I do not know. But it sure seems like on this earth, success will never be mine no matter how hard I try.

The only thing that I can do is give my broken dreams to God and ask Him to dry the tears of my heart and give me the strength to get up tomorrow and keep on fighting until there is no more time to fight. And trust that one day He will keep His promise to swallow up the years that the locust have eaten up, and exchange all my tears for shouts of joy and happiness.

Posted in life, Medical, Poems Beginning with T, Poetry, Thoughts

Tired in Bone

Posted on by katherinebrianneparilli

Have you ever had one of those days where your mind is bursting with ideas and plans, but your body feels like it is weighs a ton and all you want to do is crawl into bed. For me today is one of those discombobulated days where my mind is longing to work. I had a post that I wanted to share about the day my family got Happy. But even though half the post is already composed in my head, my tired and achy body rebels at the thought of sitting down and trying to type out the lines.

So instead I thought I would share a poem that I had written a few years back that was inspired by the frustration of having to deal with the debilitating fatigue created by chronic health issues like iron deficiency anemia, fibromyalgia, and more.

Posted in Faith, Poems Beginning with V, Poetry, Religion, Thoughts

Viva Eternidad!

Posted on by katherinebrianneparilli

There are days when following the Lord just seems to come naturally. Then there are times when everything goes wrong, and my eyes settle upon the problems of life, instead of focusing on the beacon of hope that Jesus longs to shine upon my troubled path. Caught up in the frustration of my struggles to make even a modest success of my life and the never ending disappointment as something always seems to come along and snatch away my few, hard won pennies of achievement, I forget that my eyes are supposed to look steadfastly upon Jesus and not down at my trembling feet.

Sometimes, worn out by sickness and chronic pain and the discouraged by the constant battle to take one step forward only to be pushed back five or ten, I begin to look away. Without even realizing it, my attention begins to focus on myself and before I know what has happened, all the problems of life rise before me eyes. Instead of dwelling upon the promised joys to come, my heart begins to mediate upon the quiet pain that I try to bury deep within some forgotten corner of having to watch all of life’s dearest dreams pass me by.

As I look at my life, and behold all the times that I worked so hard only to get sick or have some financial crisis come along and tear my dream into pieces, all the hopes that now lay in ashes at my feet, and all the longings of life that will never be, discouragement fills my heart and before I know it has created a thick wall between me and the path of life.

In that moment all I can see is my hopeless state. Pain, frustration, want, loneliness, and all that makes the heart to ache seems to be my lot in life. Instead of feasting upon the promise of the heavenly Canaan where sin and pain are unknown and of the day when the years of famine will be swallowed up in an instant, my eyes have been held captive by the misery of the hear and now.

Thankfully the Lord is full of mercy. And even though I made a mistake in taking my eyes off His wondrous promises to focus upon the wilted landscape of this barren desert, God lifts up His mighty arm, and sends bright beams of light to break through the darkness. Tenderly He reminds me that this world is not my home. This life of sorrow and trail is but for a moment.

True, my pain and sorrows may be great, and my basket of disappointed hopes heavy. And if this short life, that at its best may last a little over a hundred years, were all that I had to look forward to, then I would have every right to shed a fountain of tears. Then I would be justified in filling the ocean with the deep rivers that would have every reason to pour forth from my eyes as I mourned my pitiful state.

But God has made a way of escape from the sentence of death. He has paid the price of my sins and although I have done nothing to deserve it, has opened the door to eternal life. An eternal life filled and overflowing with opportunities that I have never imagined. A life where I will build my own home, walk golden streets, speak with unfallen angels, investigate the far flung corners of the universe, take a ride on the back of a giant dinosaur, swim in the river of life, eat from the Tree of Life, compose my own music, understand the inner workings of bacteria, and more.

For ceaseless ages I will have the opportunity to study the amazing story of salvation. To understand the intricacies of earth’s history as never before as link by link I behold how God’s hand was moving behind the scenes to reach the hearts of men. For endless ages I will be filled with wonder as I begin to see the golden chord that worked from the fall of man, up to the final days of earth’s history, and how a seemingly small event three or four thousand years ago, played a role in reaching my heart today.

Best of all, even greater than never feeling worn out and tired, never having to worry about earning enough money to pay the bills, greater yet than being able to eat any dish from the heavenly garden without fear of an allergic reaction or enduring nausea, I will have the opportunity to once again hold the hands of loved ones whom death’s cruel hands had taken from me. Having been woken up from their all to long sleep at the sound of Jesus trumpet, we will once more enjoy each other company. For all of eternity we will work and play together. We will gather together at Jesus feet, and like the disciples did, we will spend hours feasting upon the wonderful words of truth and wisdom. Our hearts overcome by gratitude as He tells us how He held our hands on our day of sorrow, of the many ways that He worked to rescue us from sin, and sings to us the very song that He sung on the day that we accepted His mercy.

As I listen to that still small voice, reminding me of a few of the many wonders that I will have a chance to enjoy on that great day, I cannot help but forget my sorrows. The wall of despair that blocked my eyes from the path of hope quickly begins to crumble as I think not of today’s pain nor dwell upon its sorrows. But instead I once more look forward to the glorious day when my pilgrimage is over and my days of trial and heartache have at last come to an end. When at last my empty years have been swallowed up by the endless years of plenty.

In that day the tears of today, though all to important seeming now, will fade into the background, as my eyes behold a billion glorious that I could never have imagined. And life, such an active and happy life like I had never dreamed possible, becomes mine to enjoy for evermore.

Posted in Faith, Poems Beginning iwth I, Poetry, Religion, Thoughts, Uncategorized

I Trust and Wait

Posted on by katherinebrianneparilli

I trust and wait, is an easy thing to say when everything is going right. But during times like these, when the tiny two steps forward that it has taken years of struggle to gain, in one second has been swallowed up, and it seems like you are about to be pushed back a thousand feet farther than ever before, its not so easy to say. And harder yet to mean.

I trust and wait, praying and working, even though that is all you can do in this life, sometimes does not seem like enough. And it seems like vanity, when you look at the wall of problems eagerly seeking a way to knock you down.

O how simple those words of faith are in times of ease, but in uncertain days like this, when your fledgling business that a few months before was just starting to grow, has suddenly turned upside down. And a thousand clicks is lucky to bring in one or two sales. And all your painful sweat, your agonizing hours of pushing through exhaustion and pain, have evaporated into another lost dream, suddenly its not so easy to promise to put everything in God’s hands, and to give over your heavy burdens.

In times like these it is so tempting to rip them from His hands, and say Lord, I know better than you. To say why did I let go, when everything I have tried goes wrong. And every corner of my life seems to be filled with nothing but impossible dreams.

It is easy to say I trust and wait when life is a breeze, but when the trials of life hit, then you know who really mean it and who are just saying words made of puff and fluff.

Yet this is the moment, this is the hour that our faith must rise to the challenge, and take an even stronger hold of that Almighty hand. Now more than ever, it is time to give God every corner of our heart, and to tell His listening ear of our increasing woe. For we are small and powerless, but who can stand before the Maker of the Universe? Who can cross the line, of Him who by a word quieted the storm?

They say that after a long trip, the last few miles home are the hardest. And from the looks of things, that is where we are in the scheme of prophetic history. The bulk of our wandering in an arid desert is almost over. In a few more miles we shall reach the banks of the Jordan and there we shall at last lay down all of our burdens. But like the wandering children of Israel before us, the last few miles will not come easy. Temptation and trials will increase, as the devil uses every device to trick, discourage, and if possible prevent us from making it to the other shore.

If you enjoyed this poem you might want to check out my book Poetry From the Heart Poems of Faith.

Disclaimer: This post contains a link to an affiliate site. As an Amazon Associate, I earn from qualifying purchases.

Posted in life, Poems Begining with M, Poetry, Thoughts, Uncategorized

My Legacy?

Posted on by katherinebrianneparilli

Hurray for the weekend! I am so glad that it is finally here.  It has been a hard week of pushing myself through the fatigue to spend a few minutes here and there trying to get something accomplished. At times it seemed to take every ounce of strength I had to accomplish the smallest task. And for what?

Though I put forth my best effort, nothing I did seemed to workout. After spending hours pushing myself to the limit, even though I know the results will be hours of intense pain, I find myself still standing in the same unenviable place of total dependence upon my parents for my food, clothing, shelter, and medical care.

Some weeks are not so bad. The effort required takes a little less toll, and by God’s grace I enjoy a minuscule reward. But on weeks like this the effort exerted and the total lack of results rise up before me, and I cannot help but feel like my life has been a failure. As I consider the hours of sweat and tears, the times I pushed myself out of a warm bed at 4 AM, went 12 plus hours without food, all in the hopes of becoming a productive member of society, all in the hopes of one day proudly being able to turn around and take care of my parents like they had me. And see that despite my faithful hours of study, and persevering effort, I have yet to take one step forward, I cannot help but wonder, what was the worth? What was the reason for my existence? If every effort in my life was going to result in failure, why is that God created me?

It is because of frustrating and rather depressing weeks where I spent ten hours sweltering, and seemed to end up taking five steps backward, that this poem was written. As I looked back at my life of constant trying, and wondered, if something happened to me, what would my legacy be? What will the world and those whom I love remember? Is it possible that even though to human eyes my life may appear to be nothing but loss and failure, that one day, when I stand before the judgement throne, that seeming loss will actually be shown to be a success?

I hope that you enjoy this humble poem of contemplation. And that it causes you to examine your heart and life, to determine what your legacy will be. And to ask yourself if on the day of judgment your life will prove to be a success or failure.